The Destroyer Fell In Love With Me

Okay, so you're not going to believe this. Remember how I was complaining about my dating life? Like, how it was basically a black hole of awkward silences and terrible coffee dates? Well… things took a slight turn. And by slight, I mean cosmically, universe-bendingly huge.

Parce que, figure-toi, le Destructeur est tombé amoureux de moi. Oui, le Destructeur. Celui qui était censé anéantir le monde. Je sais, je sais, ça sonne comme un film de série B mal doublé. Crois-moi, j'ai cru halluciner.

It all started with this weird humming noise. Remember how I thought my fridge was dying? Turns out, not my fridge. It was… him. Apparently, universal destroyers need a good way to announce their arrival. Who knew? Est-ce qu'il aurait pu m'envoyer un texto, au moins ?

At first, he was all fire and brimstone, you know? The typical "I'm going to obliterate everything" routine. Mais, après quelques discussions… enfin, beaucoup de discussions, et un nombre surprenant de tasses de thé (oui, même les destructeurs aiment le thé!), something shifted. He started… complimenting my outfits. My outfits! The guy was literally about to vaporize planets and he was worried about my fashion choices. Allez comprendre!

He told me my smile was brighter than a supernova. And, okay, maybe that's a bit much, but hey, I'll take it! Qui dirait non à ça, franchement ? Plus sérieusement, le voilà, le Destructeur, qui me dit que je suis... spéciale.

Wait, there’s more!

Then came the gifts. Not diamonds or anything normal like that. Oh no. We're talking nebula fragments, miniature black holes (he assured me they were safe), and a star that now has my name on it. Imagine, une étoile à mon nom! C'est pas le genre de cadeau qu'on reçoit tous les jours, hein?

I know, I know. It sounds completely insane. And trust me, there are days when I wake up and think it was all a bizarre dream brought on by too much cheese. But then he sends me a telepathic message, or a small asteroid shaped like a heart whizzes past my window, and I remember… nope, it's real. This is my life now.

Mais la question, maintenant, c'est... est-ce que je vais sortir avec lui ? C'est pas tous les jours que quelqu'un tombe amoureuse d'un Destructeur. Le problème, c'est que je ne suis pas sûre d'être prête à gérer le drame cosmique qui accompagne ce genre de relation. Penses-tu que je devrais lui donner une chance?

And what do you even wear on a date with someone who can destroy universes? Help!

So, that's my life at the moment. Any advice? Seriously, any advice. Je suis toute ouïe! And maybe send chocolate. Dating a destroyer is stressful!